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  1. #1
    Black Mage


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Gift received at 12-20-2012, 03:00 PM from Vegito
Message: This is for me finding you helping people in the chat box. Keep up the nice work.The Nice List
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Message: Here you go Chong !Celebrate!
Gift received at 08-14-2012, 10:22 AM from KremeChoco

    Conflict with roommate

    yay back again.
    Well this time it's about I and my roommate.
    My roommate's some guy from Malaysia and not China, so we have no difficulty communicating with each other. From the start of the year, we were quite close, every now and then we would talk to each other about homework, school, and ask for each other's help when we have problems.

    But he has this nasty habit of being sarcastic and hurtful, which is kinda childish from my point of view. By that I mean he uses really harsh words to talk bad about someone. Like in Chinese class where his class and mine combine, he would call me a Malay and shorty which is fine by me because I've been called that countless times and it doesn't matter to me so it's not the cause of our conflict (which I'll elaborate on later). I'd just laugh it off and maybe giving the finger, but he doesn't take offence to that. But not everyone is as tolerant as me. Our fellow Malaysian who's a girl, sits behind him in class, and he always insults her by quoting how bad her results are, which to her is offensive (because she told me so). Other times, he would insult a guy in the class who is very annoying but couldn't help it because he has ADHD and autism by saying how he doesn't use his brain when talking and whatnot. Also there's this China scholar who is quite fat (I'm speaking the truth, I don't judge about it anyway) and he would keep on talking about how she has moving difficulties whenever she's late for something, good thing she doesn't know what he's talking about otherwise we would have a rampage. And after I got elected to be the Level Head, he was talking about how stupid the class council is to pick someone so short to be Level Head. I mean, how does my height have to do with this? It's not like I wanted it, they chose it for me, do I look like I have a choice? Oh and there's one time where my class, 3B, got the best class, and he insulted us by saying we are 3Bastards. That's kinda rude, not to me, but to my classmates. And when he saw my exam results he was, I'd say, dumbfounded, and he even started a gang to kinda boycott me or something. I mean this is expected of us, right? What's the point of taking revenge just because you didn't get as good results? I didn't even do anything.

    Also another one of his bad habits is his ego. By that I mean he has the kind of "I have my pride and I'm not going to do something humiliating" ego. For example during our orientation he would keep on scoffing and groaning his way because it's retarded to him. And you'd expect him to be friendly when you first meet him, right? No. When I first met him and waved to him, he didn't even give me a look and just turned his head. I don't mind that, though. But in class he's quite the attention-seeker by always talking about Malaysia this, Malaysia that, and sometimes even speaking Malay in the middle of the class. Now that's inconsiderate because 80% of the classmates don't understand Malay and when you talk in a language they don't know, trust me, they might get offended. I mean, it's a new country, with a new culture and new rules, you can't just barge into someone else's territory and boast about your hometown. Do you see immigrants boasting about their hometown in their new country? No. In fact, they suit themselves into the new environment and integrate into society.

    Now it's been 4 months, things were going pretty well, until I commented something. Someone was talking about how pressuring it is studying in Singapore, and for some reason the conversation spun off into talking about Malaysia. After seeing this I commented "So patriotic then go back Malaysia." and that pissed him off, real bad. He even told our teacher mentor about this and I had to explain the rationale behind it. My reason was that you are in a new country, with a new culture and new people, you're not in Malaysia. So get used to the new environment. If you like your home culture so badly then go home, no one's stopping you. The teacher accepted my reason saying it was considerate of the other scholars and students, and he himself admitted he was wrong. But after that things seem to have gotten tense. He stopped talking to me and it would be utter silence in the room, unless it was for something necessary. Other times he would just go to someone else's room and stay there probably for the whole day, and he wouldn't invite me for badminton or anything. Usually I'm all alone in my room. I don't know if he's pissed off or just afraid to talk to me, he's hard to read. But I figured that this might last for some time, and this is going to be unhealthy for both of us. I don't wanna apologise out of the blue, because it might seem kinda weird and awkward and I might just piss him off again by reminding him of the incident.

    So...yeah I need some advice on how to solve the conflict. I figure it will be disadvantageous for both of us to have a cold war, but in some way I need him to see his flaws to prevent future conflict from me or from others...help would be appreciated.

  2. #2
    Better than you





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Gift received at 12-20-2012, 06:14 PM from Star
Message: gooby pls
u no niceCelebrate!
Gift received at 08-14-2012, 10:22 AM from KremeChoco
    Seriously dude 3/4 posts in rages and rants are yours.
    I understand your life might not be very good, but you don't need to post here about every single problem you have.

  3. #3
    Black Mage


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Gift received at 12-20-2012, 03:00 PM from Vegito
Message: This is for me finding you helping people in the chat box. Keep up the nice work.The Nice List
Gift received at 12-19-2012, 01:18 PM from Kent
Message: Here you go Chong !Celebrate!
Gift received at 08-14-2012, 10:22 AM from KremeChoco
    Oh am I complaining here? No.
    In fact I'm asking for opinions and suggestions because I can't solve this myself, I need people with experience to help me out.
    And this is a section made for ranting, no one's forcing you to click into this section and read it.
    So if you don't want to see my posts just kindly avoid it, no one's forcing your hand into clicking my threads
    kthxbai

  4. #4
    Just Another Randy






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    Celebrate!
Gift received at 08-14-2012, 10:22 AM from KremeChoco
    i would just let it go, if you don't have to room with him again, i would just go with it until the end of the year
    and yeah, im more of a passive person

  5. #5
    Black Mage


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Gift received at 12-20-2012, 03:00 PM from Vegito
Message: This is for me finding you helping people in the chat box. Keep up the nice work.The Nice List
Gift received at 12-19-2012, 01:18 PM from Kent
Message: Here you go Chong !Celebrate!
Gift received at 08-14-2012, 10:22 AM from KremeChoco
    Quote Originally Posted by Depression View Post
    i would just let it go, if you don't have to room with him again, i would just go with it until the end of the year
    and yeah, im more of a passive person
    Well, it's gonna be 2 years.
    so....

  6. #6
    Horntail

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Gift received at 12-20-2012, 05:28 AM from Star
Message: :)Celebrate!
Gift received at 08-14-2012, 10:22 AM from KremeChoco
    lol it's been a while since I'm here, and here we have another rant thread by you rofl

    Quote Originally Posted by 제프 Chong View Post
    "So patriotic then go back Malaysia."
    You pulled this trigger lol, I expected more from you really. Yes yes he speaks Malay in the middle of the class yeah, but you absolutely did not have to resort to such an offensive remark. It's like telling a China person who's studying overseas to go back to Guangzhou cuz he loves his country; aka fuck off back to your country. You're no less different than the retarded MP we have in Malaysia that's fucking around with the Chinese immigrant issue.

    Quote Originally Posted by 제프 Chong View Post
    always talking about Malaysia this, Malaysia that
    Looking back in time, wasn't this basically you? Except you talked about Singapore instead of Malaysia. Now put yourself in his shoes and we have technically the same thing.


    You basically need to sit down with him face to face and talk this shit over, because you clearly ticked a raw nerve in him. Apologize you must, because you're clearly in the wrong here. Ask a person to supervise if you must, like the teacher or something. You're in the same room with him, it should not be a problem to engage him in a conversation, lest you're the one actually scared. If it's really that bad, then use the "Dah Makan?" procedure that's oh so common with Malaysians, I'm sure no sane Malaysian will reject that.

    And about his ego, you're not obligated to fix his shit, he'll learn as he ages. This is not animu and manga lol

    My remarks are harsh, take it with a grain of salt. There's no intent to cause offense.
    Last edited by Lycan; 05-13-2014 at 04:00 PM.

  7. #7
    Black Mage


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Gift received at 12-20-2012, 03:00 PM from Vegito
Message: This is for me finding you helping people in the chat box. Keep up the nice work.The Nice List
Gift received at 12-19-2012, 01:18 PM from Kent
Message: Here you go Chong !Celebrate!
Gift received at 08-14-2012, 10:22 AM from KremeChoco
    Quote Originally Posted by Lycan View Post
    l
    My remarks are harsh, take it with a grain of salt. There's no intent to cause offense.
    No harm done.
    Yeah looking back that was kinda retarded of me. But it's just sometimes it makes you cringe when you see someone reenacting the old bad habits in a new land. For example he would jaywalk and say "We cross the road like this in Malaysia." I and the other girl scholar sometimes feel that it's annoying, but he just wants to attract attention, and I might have just said that in a fit of rage. He's quite the attention-seeker and I might have just crushed his little-boy dream. Actually now he doesn't talk about it or act like it in school anymore, but maybe he's just pissed off at me by not talking to me.

    And as for his habits, I think it's gonna take quite some time for him to change, because he's the kind of pampered kid you'd expect. When he first arrived at the hostel he talks to his mum and dad like his slaves (literally because they were cleaning the room for him), and they don't tell him off for it. He hasn't experienced the kind of trouble you would face for saying something really hurtful, lucky him because the people around him are quite tolerant. I'm trying to do this for his own good, to prevent him from getting into trouble later on, but meh, let him try a few bumps on his own.

    Maybe I try to lighten up the spirits by inviting him to watch a movie in the TV room on Friday when our mid-years are over, but I doubt he'll accept since our interests are contradicting as in he likes cartoons while I like adventure and violence and profanity (yeah m8). If things turn for the worse, I'd try and talk to the teacher and ask him to mediate the conflict. But I rather not resort to that if I have things under control.

  8. #8
    Red Snail
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    I think you should try to change roommates because clearly it isn't working out.

  9. #9
    Manon
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    I have suggestion you guys should sit in a place and say what you think about the other he will will know what the probleme is (of course it may get worst but you have nothing to lose since its already "fucked up" if this word is correct ) i think that talking would be the best solution for the moment
    May i ask about your age ?

  10. #10
    Black Mage


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Gift received at 12-20-2012, 03:00 PM from Vegito
Message: This is for me finding you helping people in the chat box. Keep up the nice work.The Nice List
Gift received at 12-19-2012, 01:18 PM from Kent
Message: Here you go Chong !Celebrate!
Gift received at 08-14-2012, 10:22 AM from KremeChoco
    Quote Originally Posted by highpale View Post
    I think you should try to change roommates because clearly it isn't working out.
    LOL Like I have a choice.

    Quote Originally Posted by Devilico View Post
    I have suggestion you guys should sit in a place and say what you think about the other he will will know what the probleme is (of course it may get worst but you have nothing to lose since its already "fucked up" if this word is correct ) i think that talking would be the best solution for the moment
    May i ask about your age ?
    16.
    You know what? Turns out he wasn't angry at me, he just doesn't talk to me because I'm boring, but w/e idc about his preferences. Luckily he agreed to watch a movie with me.

 

 
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